I have been accused more than once of being full of rage.
My dad was also full of rage and when I was in my 20’s I saw I carried the same rage and I thought it was a problem. I went to the college counselor and told him I had an anger problem that I wanted help with. He listened for a little bit, but didn’t really offer any advice except to hand me copies of chapters out of some book. I read some of it, but couldn’t relate to it very well. It seemed to just attack the behavior and not the cause.
I am now nearly 37 years old and I no longer view my rage as a problem. In fact, I’ve learned that its not so much the fact I have rage, but how I harness and use it that really makes it good or bad. My dad was severely depressed and his rage caused him to scream in my face and make me feel worthless. He’d punch holes in the walls, throw glass pepper shakers across the room and watch the glass and pepper splatter all over after hitting the wall. He’d slam pots and pans down on the floor. He’d flip tables. His rage was violent and scary. I was afraid of becoming like this.
And sure, sometimes I slam doors when I’m the most pissed, but I’d like to think my rage is expressed mostly in words. And the things that make me rage are very different than the things that would set off my dad’s rage.
George Zimmerman getting away with murder – rage.
Sandra Bland getting roughed up because she wouldn’t put out her cigarette and eventually murdered in her jail cell – rage.
Seeing a chart showing the Democrats being in control of both chambers of Congress with a Democrat President for a grand total of 4 years since Reagan first took office in 1981 and then have people on the internet tell me the Democrats have been controlling the agenda for the past 30 years – rage.
Remembering the myriad of ways Republicans have obstructed progress since I was a teenager in the 90’s and having people today forget all the nuance, obstruction, and politics since then to create their own narrative – rage.
Being told Hillary Clinton killed universal healthcare after she was the one in the 90’s who tried to bring it! After remembering the Republicans telling Obama early in his first term “Don’t even think about single payer, because we won’t let it happen”. – rage.
Seeing the very white tears from people who demand a revolution NOW who loudly proclaim “the system” is unfair to them now while conveniently ignoring all the black voices who have been trying to tell us this for over 400 years – rage.
Seeing more Bernie protesters at the DNC in Philadelphia than there were people protesting against fascism at the RNC in Cleveland – rage.
And this morning, after the first day of the DNC and the butthurt tears of Sanders fans who still declare its not over yet, I was accused of being filled with rage and how this particular person has had enough of it.
This, after an entire day of white privilege shouting down speakers who took the podium. Booing Bernie Sanders. Chanting “Black Lives Matter” at Cory Booker while he’s speaking. Chanting whatever the fuck they were saying over Elizabeth Warren. Shouting down Elijah Cummings, one of the best damn congresspeople we have. This isn’t dissent. This isn’t protest. This is BULLSHIT. This is whining like a fucking crybaby because your entitled ass lost the soccer game. The ref missed a call. A foul was called when there was none. You lost. And now you think you have a right to “protest” and “dissent” the same unfair process Hillary Clinton lost too 8 years ago.
Tell me more how that isn’t the same as accusing a woman of sleeping with her bosses as a means of climbing the corporate ladder because there’s no way she has the brains or skills to earn it.
Tell me more about how that isn’t sexist.
And then I’ll ask you why you AREN’T filled with rage.
We have a candidate in charge of the Republican party now who sounds more and more like a fascist dictator every single day. In fact, after the RNC last week, it should be crystal fucking clear the Republicans have chosen unfettered racism, xenophobia, islamaphobia, and “law and order” to run their platform. If you think that platform would not bleed into how they govern the next four years, you are willfully ignorant of reality.
And yet, your privileged white ass is horrified the DNC has imperfect humans in it who expressed disdain for someone who spent most of his campaign shit talking the very party he was trying to take over. And your privileged white ass claims the fact the Russians hacked us is simply a deflection, because CLEARLY people talking shit among themselves is a much more offensive thing to behold.
And yet, your privileged white ass decided to weaponize your feelings to silence people.
I was abused emotionally growing up and you don’t get to weaponize your feelings to me. You don’t get to claim I’m abusing you with my rage because I stripped you of your privileged fucking fantasy. You should be using rage to act and be the change you want to see. If you care and rage about injustice and inequality, then fucking DO something about it. A great step would be to help kill the rise of fascism in this country. Otherwise, I have no more fucking time for you and your privileged shenanigans.
From: xxxxxxx xxxxxxx
Sent: Friday, July 22, 2016 1:29 PM
To: ErvinS@MennoniteUSA.org; firstname.lastname@example.org
Subject: The manner in which sexual abuse cases are handled
I’m sure you’re aware of this:
I know past emails have been ignored. I know that a call to action from me means little to nothing for you.
I know evil when I see it, however.
Evil is in the suspension of credentials of an Executive Board member for performing a same sex wedding.
Evil is in the protection of sexual abusers.
Evil is in the refusal for a 3rd party transparent investigation without meddling or conflict of interests.
Evil is allowing a pastor with a “misconduct” past to become a pastor of a church without telling the church he has a past. You can’t use “forgiveness” and “forbearance”, because you quickly withdraw those concepts when it comes to your homophobia.
I hope you have trouble sleeping at night. I hope nightmares wake you up at night.
I hope your soul is troubled. Troubled from the harm you’ve caused. Troubled in the attempts to erase the harm you’ve caused so that people won’t see you as the monster you are inside.
I hope you sweat often in anxiety and fear.
I don’t normally wish for these psychological troubles onto people. But evil is deserving to be troubled and crushed.
Evil is in the leadership of MCUSA and VMC.
Fuck your religion. Fuck your God.
I didn’t really want to write this, but I am. I don’t want to seem like I’m gloating victory. I’m not. I WANT to stop spending any energy or attention on Bernie Sanders or his increasingly smaller band of followers. (There was a news article this past week about how Sanders fans are moving to Clinton faster than Clinton fans moved to Obama in 2008).
There have been some things that have happened over the last couple of days though that have just pushed me to the edge of just HAVING to write about this. One of those things is watching Jessica Williams piece on her last episode of The Daily Show.
It was obvious to me (even though it wasn’t said), how bad sexism is in our country. And yes, women, you are not absolved from regurgitating sexist bullshit. Internalized misogyny and self-hate is a thing. We receive the same sexist messages in society that men receive about us.
Besides the obvious sexist undertones that refusing to concede (no matter the stated strategy for doing so) has, I believe his refusal to concede is feeding his followers to continue their fight against Clinton as if the primary wasn’t over. I have examples from TODAY of this evidence. The six people Jessica Williams interviewed are not isolated. There are a LOT of people on social media still repeating Republican nonsense arguments against Clinton, hoping for an email indictment from the FBI, saying she has stolen the primary nomination from Sanders, painting a picture of a corrupt and evil politician. I have examples from TODAY’s conversations on the internet. This isn’t some past crap I just want to bring up and dwell on. This example is a response to someone who brought up Arizona as proof of voter suppression. Except the facts about how that happened are left out so people can blame the DNC for what happened there to fit their narrative.
Then, of course, are those who continually behave as if we have to be nice and stroke their egos as if that’s somehow going to “win them over” instead of them using facts, evidence, and actual morals to vote with.
Yes, I know Sanders said he will vote for Clinton in November. But stating your intention to vote for the Democrat nominee is not quite enough. Go visit his website and they’re still collecting money for his campaign. His campaign is vaguely in a “next stage”. He repeats that his goal is to make sure Donald Trump is defeated in November, yet he’s holding on until the Convention with his pledged delegates to push for certain parts of his policy platform.
I’ve said in Facebook comments that I WANT him to continue pushing for a progressive platform. Running for President is not the only way to do it though. He can concede the primary and give up taking his fight all the way to the convention in Philadelphia. That doesn’t mean his progressive ideals are dead. To the contrary, he wouldn’t have done as well as he did in the primary if that were the case. There are many ways he can take the energy he’s collected and stump nationally for congressional, state, and local progressive candidates and really work on grass roots efforts to push for progressive policies. He can get people involved in politics. He can push for increased voter participation in non-presidential elections where voter turnout remains horribly deficient. Clearly our voices as voters DO matter, as evidenced by the national referendum Brexit vote in Britain.
The false narratives about Hillary Clinton don’t appear to be dying. And some people who are carrying these false narratives were once Sanders fans considering Trump to get their vote, just like the six people in The Daily Show interview. And it’s not because they think Trump is great, it’s because of sexism. People including some progressives like Elizabeth Warren have been called “traitors” and “sellouts”. Warren has not changed as a person and her beliefs, her policies, and what she fights for as a senator have not changed. Sanders should concede and put his full support behind Clinton. It does not represent a loss of integrity. It does not mean Progressive values are dead. But you know what should be dead? Sexism. And Bernie Sanders should be a leader on that front as a so-called progressive white man.