Archive | July 2017

Donald Trump & My Dad (again)

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Recently, you may have heard about or seen the clip of Trump complimenting Brigette Macron, First Lady of France about her body. See it here if you can stomach it. There is some familiarity in his behavior towards her that again – reminds me of my dad.

While decent human beings see the exchange and are rightfully creeped out, notice the mannerisms of Trump are like a feigned innocence. In fact, if you confronted him about it, he’d likely play it off as if it was an innocent compliment and not as a sexual advance or an objectification of Brigette.

This technique is a form of manipulation. Its a technique my dad uses. As explained in the link, this technique makes the victim question their reality of what just took place. It makes the victim look at intent instead of impact.  In my blog post about the two incidents of sexual abuse by my father, this manipulation tactic of feigned ignorance/innocence is what allowed me to not acknowledge his actions as abuse for over 20 years. All that time, I thought my dad didn’t mean it as sexual, controlling, or abusive. Even during the moment, he made it seem like there was nothing meant by it and so I hid my discomfort about his actions and felt guilty for feeling bad about it. After all, he’s my father and he loves me and wouldn’t hurt me, right?

Even as recently as the last time I talked to my parents on the phone, my dad said “I don’t know why you’d ever think I hated you. I love you very much. I just don’t understand where you’d get that from.” This is designed to make the victim feel awful for ever taking the person’s actions as harmful or abuse. As if the victim causes their own reality and our perception of the abuser’s actions is wrong. The abuser wants to “smooth things over” without ever actually dealing with the problem so they can gain your confidence back and abuse you again. At the same time, they treat any action of yours in self-preservation as being the real abuse or harm in the relationship.

Talk to Trump, narcissist abusers like him, and his defenders, and see if they don’t have these same exact feigned ignorance/innocence responses in their defense of him. “He didn’t mean anything about it,” “its not sexual, he’s just complimenting her,” “what’s wrong with telling a woman she’s beautiful?”. Trump’s non verbal language supports this feigned innocence.  In reality, the Hollywood Reporter tape reveals he’s a predator when he’s around people he thinks he can be honest around.

This may seem obvious to some, but I just felt I needed to point out and identify what this is beyond the creep factor. Its this exact type of shit that makes me not able to handle seeing or hearing Trump for longer than 30 seconds at a time. I purposely severely limit my exposure to him, just like with my dad. It serves several purposes: first, it cuts down on stress and anxiety. It doesn’t eliminate anxiety, but it would be much worse without low exposure. I still get bouts of anxiety fueled intense fight or flight mode that lasts for days, though less frequently than right after the election. It also helps me stand my ground about my own reality. The longer I keep myself away from those manipulation tactics, the less I question myself and my truth and reality. Also, I get more courage to speak my truth the more confident I am about my reality.

Don’t let this shitgibbon dumpsterfuck and his followers take away your truth and reality.